What holds us back?
Fear holds us back, three in particular:
I ask you to think about and jot down goals/objectives you have set for self over your lifespan. I suggest you take a couple of days to get a real comprehensive list together. Talk to friends and family if you need help. Ask them:
While you have known me what goals or objectives have, I achieved? Are their goals and objectives I have mentioned that I have yet to achieve or haven’t?
When you can’t think of anymore start to review your list. Cross off all of the goals you have achieved up to this point in your lifetime. Take the time to recognize your accomplishments and reflect on the strategies you utilized to achieve the goal.
You now have a list of goals and objectives you still have the opportunity to achieve. Review your list again are there any goals/objectives listed that you truly have no passion for anymore. Cross them off. Finally, cross off any that are not realistic or beneficial to your physical/mental/spiritual/social well-being.
At this point re-write your list with any goals/objectives that remain. Review the list and ask yourself.
We often hear not trying is the failure. Nurtures impact on an individual’s sense of external and internal motivation is important to understand. Individuals may not have realistic expectations when designing goals and strategies or intentionally sabotage any success they may have. Individuals who have repeatedly not succeeded become comfortable within the self-sabotage role while others potentially enable the behavior. We all have our own “shit pile” (link SHIT pile blog) that impacts the way we feel and behave.
Is it because I fear I may expose a weakness?
Trying something new is difficult for everyone. If you remain stuck in a rut you are missing developmental opportunities because you’re not practicing growth mindset strategies. Sydney Crosby reviews his ice time looking for opportunities to improve his play and he wants feedback. We all have challenges, fortunately, you can enhance your chances of health + wealth success. Social + Emotional Intelligence Profiling and Coaching© enhances an individuals or teams Social + Emotional Intelligence (S+EI)© therefore self-awareness, awareness of other as well as self management and effective relationships improve.
Is it because I fear I may discover who I truly am?
Earlier in my life, the fear of failure or having others identify my challenges held me back. At some point I really didn’t care and I accepted myself, fear lost its power.
My “shit pile” has made me stronger and I use that manure to nurture my growth.
Do not give away your power to fear, listen to what it is telling you then set it down and tell “fear” how you will overcome it.
I facilitate coaching to assist the reflection process and peel back the layers to get at the real cause of our fear. We explore the legitimacy of the fear and how twisted thinking may be impacting your perceptive..
Individuals with high levels of social and emotional intelligence cope with stress better. Why?
They appear to have a greater number of tools/strategies in their toolbox to access when faced with various challenges. In the "Relationship between general intelligence, emotional intelligence, stress levels and stress reactivity," they concluded, emotional intelligence as a function of our brain is better suited to handle acute stress and perceived stress. IQ, on the other hand, showed no significant correlation. Https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4117081/
If you want to decrease your stress enhance your social and emotional intelligence. ® Coaching is the most effective way to enhance an individual/teams/families social and emotional intelligence. ®
Many studies focus on the impact stress has on our ability to engage and produce in professional settings. We all have seen enough studies and articles to state stress negatively impacts our personal and professional well being. What can you do to protect you and the others who will be living or working with you?
Enhance your self-awareness.
Enhancing your ability to identify how you are feeling, in the moment, will assist you to recognize when a timeout is needed. Don't laugh! Kids do not have the awareness yet and we often direct them to take a timeout to cool down before they escalate further. As an adult, if you notice feelings of anger, fear, frustration or other feelings that may lead you to say or do something you may regret its time to take charge.
When faced with an uncomfortable situation that you cannot physically walk away from your going to need to change your mindset fast.
This context/individual/group is testing you. An opportunity exists for you to strengthen self, enhance resiliency and retain your power. Individuals without high levels of social and emotional intelligence are fishing, don't fall for the bait dangling off their hook.
Being aware of the situations that provoke you to react is important as can allow you to practice strategies to minimize the harm of stress
People with higher levels of emotional intelligence are more aware of their feelings, what causes them, and why.
When we are in tune with self, have control of our feelings and practice personal power we can turn our attention to others emotional well being. Stress impacts the way they engage with others they come into contact. Unfortunately, individuals do not have an awareness of other may choose to personalize the behavior of a co-worker, family member or neighbor. Being able to read a situation appropriately and choose to not get caught up in a stressful situation they have no control over.
Compassion and empathy for another's stressful situation may allow you to avoid negative exchanges. Don't give others your power!
Don’t react! Respond
If your beliefs, values or safety is threatened then situational awareness dictates other tactics. Stating you do not agree with another's position calmly and politely is certainly different than a full out yelling match. You want to respond to behaviors not react. Not reacting is so hard particularly with our families. Our families know better than anyone all our insecurities and vulnerability buttons.
Self-awareness and awareness of other can assist you to prepare yourself for the comments and jokes that are likely to pop up. Take control of the situation your previous behavior does not need to be your current.
Stress due to conflict is often because of an individual's inability to truly listen to another. To communicate effectively we need to be able to listen to another persons perspective, truly listen. We more often than not hear others rather than listen. We may prepare our reputable or our focus is elsewhere. All of us want to be heard!
A variety of perspectives exist
If you believe your perspectives and only your perspectives are correct you are going to live in perpetual conflict. Our nature and nurture influence how we view the world. Your view is but one you can have a passion for your beliefs, values and mission in life but it does not give you the right to silence other. Acceptance of self and other is key to enhancing your social and emotional intelligence, diversity makes us all stronger.
Enhancing your self-awareness will allow you the ability to recognize when stress is negatively impacting your physical, mental, spiritual and psychological. If you are not able to find strategies to address the stress asking for help is a sign of integrity. All of us need help throughout our lives a coach or mentor may assist you to develop the skills required to address life's daily stressors without negatively impacting your holistic lifestyle.
Those with powerful influencing skills are able to wield effective tactics for persuasion.
When we are communicating effectively we are listening deeply and openly and sending clear, credible, convincing messages. Communication is not about what you say but how we say it! Be empowered!
As the holidays pass us by, most of us are blessed to be complaining about the amount of food we have eaten, or thrown away. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have these complaints, even here in Canada.
I had the opportunity to work with youth in/from a culture/context/role unfamiliar to me. The experience quickly identified an ignorance. I was not aware of how the generational trauma of First Nations peoples is impacting the food security of their children.
I worked with an eleven-year-old youth and on occasion, their behavior appeared triggered by food. Potential reasons; couldn’t process the amount of food available in the program, introduction to new food, a daily eating schedule, consistently being able to eat, control, etcetera.
Meal times were often times of crisis, as an intervention, the team packed a picnic and planned a hike to pick berries. Changing the environment during meal time and making the process less formal we hoped would alter the acting out behavior.
When the youth chose not to participate in the hike or berry picking we had our picnic at the playground. Being out of context I was not mentally prepared as other neighborhood kids sat or stood around us, as we ate, stating they were hungry.
Sharing was not an option. Unsafe situations, with community kids/youth, were already a concern due to the program's safety and wealth.
When the eleven-year-old, in our care, threw up we discussed the effects of eating too fast, too much and the importance of taking the time to “feel” full and what feeling full may feel like. This was not the first-time food, due to overeating, had been regurgitated.
As I chatted with the youth in our care, several little faces from the community listened and asked questions. Eager for knowledge and the attention of a safe adult. The experience took time to process and solidified my belief that we as a society need to pull our heads of the sand and implement culturally respectful help. Canada is a beautiful and diverse county that needs to make amends for the damage we have inflicted on our First Nation citizens. Children's basic needs are not being met today in our country because of the actions of our country. This is not only unacceptable there is no need for it. We are a prosperous country, food waste is at unacceptable levels.
Food security is required to learn, grow and succeed.
Individuals cannot grow, develop and prosper without having their physiological needs met (Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs).www.reddit.com/r/BasicIncome/comments/6dcn3t/basic_income_maslows_hierarchy_of_needs/ We need to focus on fulfilling these needs for all of our children if we hope to change the concerning behaviors that are negatively impacting our families/culture today.
Can you define moments in your life that changed your perspectives and motivated you to make a change for the better?
Mom or Dad if you are reading this stop! Seriously stop!!
My parents and siblings are living and we do talk but radical transparency does not exist in our family culture and I’m okay with that.
In grade nine I met my first boyfriend, he played basketball, was French and my friends accepted him. I, of course, was unable to foresee the shadow that would creep into this right of passage.
Within eight months he would be addicted to cocaine and I would be knocked off my youthful foundation.
The relationship was over, he wanted to talk. I don’t remember the words he spoke, as he rolled back the long sleeve, he was wearing that summer day. An array of small bruises wavered up his forearm, track marks. His message – he had been sharing needles!
I have no memory of seeing him again although he called several months later and was living in Quebec.
Cocaine was introduced to the circle via my boyfriend’s Uncle who arrived from Quebec. Marijuana, hash, alcohol, and acid were all readily available options at the time. I was aware others, including my boyfriend, were snorting cocaine, my tongue would go numb while kissing him otherwise I was ignorant.
I never once allowed myself permission to participate, I saw nothing but destruction, I was familiar with the danger of cocaine. My neighbor and friend was groomed for the streets with cocaine. I also was afraid I would like it. I had barely the money to supply my periodic use of cheaper evils. The core group unraveled. I stopped using all but alcohol, tried to establish new relationships and goals.
The fork in the road left me feeling lonely and lost but the alternative was not what I wanted for myself.
I was extremely fortunate as High School offered a new pool of friends, alcohol was the socially appropriate drug of choice. My new goal, become a Correctional Officer. I went to school, worked at a local doctor’s office and helped out with my grandmother who was living with us due to Alzheimer's. When the weekend arrived, I would bus or travel back and forth with family to Guysborough. I was fortunate I stayed with my brother and later at my boyfriends'.
Do you have a fork in the road moment in your life? You likely have several! How did you adapt and what did you learn?
Being trustworthy and ethical when working and relating with others; ability to establish a bond of trust with others.
The Dyslexia Syndrome is often misunderstood as only a reading disorder but this is not the case as also consists of non-reading symptoms. Early intervention was a key strategy in my success as well as one on one learning opportunities.
What challenges do you overcome daily?
As an individual with Dyslexia I have and continue to have unique challenges. I have overcome many obstacles and been able to attain goals that at one time I believed and was told I would never achieve. I share my stories to provide hope and motivate others to overcome the limitations labels often set.
To give you an example of some of the challenge’s individuals experience who have been labeled with dyslexia I have chosen to focus on a few of my own symptoms;
Spelling – impaired memory for visual/phonetic spelling details and sequences as an example I regularly spell approach wrong.
Speech – poor word recall and pronouncing words improperly. There are days when word recall or pronouncing is an issue although these days are fewer as I am facilitating regularly. I acknowledge that I am having a Dyslexic brain challenging day and practice compassion for self to overcome ego induced judgment. As the host of Mental Health-Let's Talk About it! I can struggle asking questions.
Math – reversals or inability to grasp sequences - word problems are a nightmare and I still cannot perform my multiplications
Grammar – even when properly taught an understanding of complex grammar is delayed.
Direction – difficulty with left and right, easily gets lost. I still have to pause and pretend to write to state confidentiality which is my left or right.
Psychosomatic – motion sickness, nausea, abdominal complaints. Motion sickness continues to be a real challenge for me. I have vomited even while I am driving. Road trips are not something I enjoy.
There are flexibility and degrees of challenge within every medical model label.
What applies to me may not apply to another individual defined by their Dyslexia Syndrome. Both of my siblings are also Dyslexic as are many of my Uncles and cousins. Our challenges are unique therefore interventions require out of the box approaches to spark interest and motivation. School and the learning process were not enjoyable but I have experienced fun learning opportunities. Social and Emotional Intelligence© development opportunities are endless, can be quite fun and can be implemented at any stage in our lifespan.
Overcoming challenges increase with early intervention, consistent effort/practice, support, advocacy, and self-motivation. Challenges require individuals (parents/teachers/coaches) to think outside of conventional models to meet the individual where they are at and utilize relationship to create physiological safety, learning cannot occur without psychological safety!
I recently had a discussion with a parent whose child was diagnosed with the Dyslexia Syndrome. I listened to their concerns then shared my own experiences and successes. They thanked me for sharing my own story as provided them with hope for their own child. I was very fortunate to attain early intervention and attend resource outside of my classroom to get the one on one attention I required to learn.
Everyone has their own combination of strengths and challenges learning to overcome the roadblocks these challenges create can empower, motivate, enhance resiliency and create feelings of self-efficacy. As you develop your awareness of self or other be compassionate with self and other and always be mindful of strengths and blessings.
Practicing compassion for self has allowed me to reflect on my fear of failure www.pickempowerment.ca/blog/let-me-introduce-you-to-fear, learn from mistakes and minimize judgment allowing me to try new things and grow.
Increase Your Chances of Success with Effective Communication
As a Social + Emotional Intelligence Coach©, consultant and workshop facilitator meeting with individuals face to face is a boutique service. Individuals/teams/families are already busy, running to another appointment is not an appealing prospect. Meeting individuals at their place of business, local coffee shop, park, restaurant or home (family session) provides the individual an opportunity to pick a place of comfort and convenience.
Engaging with others within their environments allows a coach to observe, provide timely feedback and support, as individuals define and adopt new strategies to reach desired goals.
As a coach face to face interactions, in diverse environments, allows for a greater understanding of an individual’s patterns. Communication is a complex process and has more to do with your non-verbal's, body language than what is being said. http://www.study-body-language.com/Verbal-and-non-verbal-communication.html#sthash.Y5VjUY7g.dpbs
Our body language portrays 93% of a person’s message.
If your job is to facilitate social and emotional intelligence development how can you provide your customer the best service via phone or video chats? I have asked other coaches this question, they state "I can see my client", yes you can but are you providing the best experience possible to assist your clients succeed? I believe that there is value in occasionally having a session via skype due to illness, travel or weather but I personally feel communication has an increased level of effectiveness when face to face.
Social and Emotional Intelligence Profiling does utilize technology. Individuals or teams who chose to participate in one of the profile styles will receive a link via there chosen e-mail to fill out their assessment or to provide feedback via a 360 multi rater profile. The data provided from answers is compiled and sent to me to review before the results are debriefed with the individual/team. Exercises are also provided to individuals via the internet to broaden awareness of self or discover strategies to develop specific competencies.
“Imperfect Perspectives" will consist of written and video format. The writing and videos will be imperfect as I am the composer and director and I am perfectly imperfect! Be genuine, have the hard conversations and be compassionate to self and other. Be empowered!