What pattern of behavior are you repeating from your early examples of relationship?
The nature versus nurture debate clearly identifies that both influence our behaviors. Nature is defined by our genetics and determined by our biological birth parent’s genetics which has also been influenced by their ancestors. Nurture is the influence of others on self: families, schools, your spiritual group, community, media, government.
We are left powerless in regards to our genetics although we can educate ourselves on the various challenges one may experience from genetic influences and empower self to discover and adopt strategies to live well. Reflection is part of the educational process when examining influences of nurture, as well as an accurate self-assessment.
Today I found myself reflecting on the rituals my partner and I have established. One of the ways we express our love for each other is with a kiss when connecting or departing. There are others of course but this behavior is consistent and has meaning.
My parents had their own rituals, one was the kiss hello and goodbye as well as Dad's lunch box.
While growing up I observed my mother and father engage in rituals they defined for their marriage. As the youngest of three, I was present in the home when dads job did not have him away or working long hours. For years it was not unusual to have Dad arrive home after I was in bed and get up and go back to work before, I got up.
Every time dad came home, he would greet mom with a kiss placing his lunchbox and thermos on the counter. Dad always screwed the top off the thermos, as screwed on tighter than could be managed by mom. Mom would then systematically clean the items and prepare them for there next use. I knew Dad was home if the thermos and lunch box was on the counter, getting up or coming home.
Do you reflect on how your nurture has impacted you? Is there a behavior you engage in because of your genetics (nature) or upbringing (nurture)? Are you sure? Discuss with others or read an article/book on the nature vs nurture debate! If you do you may have a different perspective, thus the great debate.
How is your teamwork and collaboration?
Individuals are engaged in a multitude of teams and each team is trying to attain a goal.
Take a few seconds to reflect on the number of teams you are actively involved in, professional and personal. Can you clearly define the goal of each team? Are there values and beliefs that assist you with group norms? If these answers are not clear have a discussion with team members.
If you don’t know where you are going, you are following others, awareness provides you with the knowledge required to lead.
Teamwork and collaboration are important soft skills to develop. The Institute for Social and Emotional Intelligence® identifies teamwork and collaboration as one of ten management of other competencies in there Social + Emotional Intelligence Profile (SEIP®). Individuals who have a strong teamwork and collaboration competency share several characteristics:
Individuals learn how to effectively collaborate with others toward a shared goal through experiential learning.
In pre-school kids learn how to share and as language progresses collaborate to achieve goals. A group of children may decide to make a sand castle, defined goal. Watch the dynamics that occur in the sand box. Do you see a leader, follower, anyone not focused on the goal, what percentage of the children/team are focused on the task? Does the task get done?
As we grow tasks increase in difficulty, objectives and roles change there are more people in the sandbox in multiple contexts flexibility becomes an increasingly important S+EI© competency to assess and attain.
Awareness of self and other as well as management of self and other skills is key to engage effectively. S+EI® can be enhanced to infinity and beyond unlike intellect (IQ). Each time an individual works within a group successfully, reaching a goal, the behavior is reinforced.
It is important to address unsportsmanlike behavior and provide redirection in either sandbox if you are to reach the group goal.
Individuals who are challenged in environments where teamwork and collaboration are expected may exhibit these characteristics:
Being able to identify these debilitating team behaviors and engage in difficult but caring conversations with a group member is essential.
Sometimes a fellow team member who has a positive relationship may be able to help a co-worker but often outside support is required.
I can assist you overcome challenges! Want to explore what that may look like, contact me.
What holds us back?
Fear holds us back, three in particular:
I ask you to think about and jot down goals/objectives you have set for self over your lifespan. I suggest you take a couple of days to get a real comprehensive list together. Talk to friends and family if you need help. Ask them:
While you have known me what goals or objectives have, I achieved? Are their goals and objectives I have mentioned that I have yet to achieve or haven’t?
When you can’t think of anymore start to review your list. Cross off all of the goals you have achieved up to this point in your lifetime. Take the time to recognize your accomplishments and reflect on the strategies you utilized to achieve the goal.
You now have a list of goals and objectives you still have the opportunity to achieve. Review your list again are there any goals/objectives listed that you truly have no passion for anymore. Cross them off. Finally, cross off any that are not realistic or beneficial to your physical/mental/spiritual/social well-being.
At this point re-write your list with any goals/objectives that remain. Review the list and ask yourself.
We often hear not trying is the failure. Nurtures impact on an individual’s sense of external and internal motivation is important to understand. Individuals may not have realistic expectations when designing goals and strategies or intentionally sabotage any success they may have. Individuals who have repeatedly not succeeded become comfortable within the self-sabotage role while others potentially enable the behavior. We all have our own “shit pile” (link SHIT pile blog) that impacts the way we feel and behave.
Is it because I fear I may expose a weakness?
Trying something new is difficult for everyone. If you remain stuck in a rut you are missing developmental opportunities because you’re not practicing growth mindset strategies. Sydney Crosby reviews his ice time looking for opportunities to improve his play and he wants feedback. We all have challenges, fortunately, you can enhance your chances of health + wealth success. Social + Emotional Intelligence Profiling and Coaching© enhances an individuals or teams Social + Emotional Intelligence (S+EI)© therefore self-awareness, awareness of other as well as self management and effective relationships improve.
Is it because I fear I may discover who I truly am?
Earlier in my life, the fear of failure or having others identify my challenges held me back. At some point I really didn’t care and I accepted myself, fear lost its power.
My “shit pile” has made me stronger and I use that manure to nurture my growth.
Do not give away your power to fear, listen to what it is telling you then set it down and tell “fear” how you will overcome it.
I facilitate coaching to assist the reflection process and peel back the layers to get at the real cause of our fear. We explore the legitimacy of the fear and how twisted thinking may be impacting your perceptive..
“Imperfect Perspectives" will consist of written and video format. The writing and videos will be imperfect as I am the composer and director and I am perfectly imperfect! Be genuine, have the hard conversations and be compassionate to self and other. Be empowered!